Some quips from the Deseret News, 06Jun1877

“An old Scotch woman recommended a preacher who arrived at the kirk wet through to get at once into the pulpit, ‘Ye’ll be dry enough there.’”

“’Money! Give me the money, or I shall be driven to do a deed my souls abhors.’ The citizen produced a handful of silver with tremulous alacrity, and then it occurred to him to inquire what particular form of felony his benevolence had defeated. ‘Work,’ muttered the wanderer, as he fobbed the coins and passed away.”

“They were husband and wife, and as they stood before the Capitol in Washington she asked: ‘What’s that figure on top?’ ‘That’s a goddess,’ he answered. ‘And what’s a goddess?’ ‘A woman who holds her tongue,’ he replied. She looked at him sideways, and then began planning how to make a peach pie with the stones in it for the benefit of his sore tooth.”